December 22nd I was laboring a sweet young mother - slowly and steadily she was riding the waves of the contractions that would bring her baby to become an air-creature. As her labor intensified, my mom called because a mile away my grandma was having a severe stroke. (Grandma moved here shortly after we did so she could spend her remaining years surrounded by my family - what a blessing for ALL of us!). With tears in my eyes I looked at the beautiful strength in front of me - another wave of intensity washing over this young woman-about-to-become-mother.
I was pierced with the juxtaposition of the moment:
the joy of a new baby and the poignancy of a life passing on.
I am honored to attend the births of so many little ones - their mothers bearing witness to the truth that growth comes through struggle. Many women have said the closest they’ve ever come to death was in the intense struggle of labor. I teach in my childbirth classes that Early Labor is the mental part of labor, Active Labor is the physical part of labor leading to Transition being intensely spiritual and Pushing combines all three in determination. That looks like:
Early Labor (Mind) Questions: “do I have everything ready?”, “am I ready to be a mother?”, “am I going to be able to handle labor?”, “did I remember to get dog food for the week?”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”
Active Labor (Body): as contractions become more intense over time, there is much less concern with what is outside of you and much more focus on the strength within. I love the labor mantra, “this is not stronger than you because IT IS YOU”. Thoughts about dog food and the awkwardness of early labor sensations all disappear as you surrender to your BODY and the innate physicality that is being expressed.
Transition (Soul): nothing exists outside of what you are doing in this moment and often arrows of fear begin to assail your insides - not in questions like early labor - but in doubts about being a mother, your own mother’s failures, the chinks in your relationship, the inadequacy you feel to be responsible for another human…all in a stewpot over the most intense fire of contractions. This is the shortest hardest part of labor for most women. And the intensity is in the soul - it is in Transition that you’ll fight your demons and grasp for light. You’ll face your own mortality.
Pushing (Body+Mind+Soul): after you machete your way through Transition using every tool you’ve put in your labor toolbox, then the baby rotates and BAM - you’re a whole person again. The unstoppable physical urge to push awakens your body and mind again as the finish line is in sight and the darkness of transition fades as Dawn spreads over the soul - THIS BABY IS COMING OUT!
What does any of this have to do with my grandma passing away? As I entered the struggle of labor with this woman to bring new life earthside, my grandma slipped painlessly, blamelessly, and peacefully into the life beyond. The contrast was stark - the beauty shattering. It is also so very very good to remember that we are all born (amazing!) and we will all pass away. Our culture has tried to hide both from public view - birth and death are both mostly done in hospital rooms rather than living rooms. This has caused us to be uncomfortable with both life and death when we should embrace both, share both, fully enter into both - remember both in our daily lives!
Prayers for peace in your homes.
